shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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