I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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