People in love make me want to vomit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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