Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
