Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
