I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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