did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
