maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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