I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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