I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
