Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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