I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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