Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
