Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize