is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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