I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
