I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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