this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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