and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
