i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So vagazzling was a success
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
