I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
