i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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