im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
