Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
