you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
