I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
