First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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