I'm gonna have a badass scar
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
