I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
