She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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