I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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