Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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