I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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