Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
