I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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