walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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