why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
