i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
