and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
