Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
