the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
