I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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