I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
