But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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