Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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