I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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