yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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