Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
