Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
