His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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