Just mADE A PArabola og urine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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