If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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