He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
