The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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