well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
