At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
