I'm lost and stupid without you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is Oprah even human
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
