There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
