Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
