Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
