i don't like sucking hair
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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