I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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