So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
