is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
